邪悪なウサギの隠れ家...

With only ten days left until I have five assignments due, to say it's more than a little hectic with me would probably be an understatement. Hectic, but in a strange way, not. I have only one assignment due this week, and while it's my biggest, I find that spending time hanging out at un-godly hours of the morning with my friends on campus is almost better than being at home. Probably because I know I'd only be stewing about everything, panicking and therefore not sleeping at all. Maybe it's that, or maybe it's knowing that these all-nighters are going to soon be a regular thing as we all get closer and closer to the final project that will start early next year. It's strangely relaxing to be in a room full of people who are freaking out as much as you are. I don't actually know why, but it is. Even those who have been working on there projects for weeks - bringing them a little closer to perfection each time they sit down at a monitor - are worrying just as much as those of use who've really only started to get moving in the last few days.

And now that I've finished my sixth can of V, and thought about it a little, I really think it has something to do with the thought of opening these...precious things - projects we've spent hours and hours pouring our heart and soul into - to the eyes of those we know will be most critical of them. It's certainly something that I know we all need to be incredibly hard-skinned about - the animation/game business is all about rejection, about redoing something countless times until we just want to scream before our boss is happy with it. The problem isn't that we don't know, it's that we aren't.

With such critical tutors and lecturers, all demanding our absolute best performance every time we do this, it probably shouldn't surprise us that we all support each other, tell each other how great and fantastic our work is.  And we do probably support each other too much. But then they give us no choice. It's like this at the end of every semester - we spend more time with our classmates than we do with our familes, for weeks. You really begin to rely on each other, and you're grateful and relaxed when everything's handed in and done, when you have a break. You stay in touch with everyone over the holidays (or maybe not, cause you'll see them again for all of  the next semester, and you'll have something more than university work to talk about then). But then you get your marks back, and most of the time they're positive, but there is always usually something that they didn't like - that they didn't like about what had been your life for the past month; about what you lived and breathed and ate and drank and laughed and cried about. There is always, always, always, always something that they don't like - something you thought was perfect - and it's still holidays and suddenly, your support network is gone. You're in the real-world again, facing down the words of someone who doesn't give a flying fuck about how much of yourself you put into that assignment; all they care about is that it isn't what they wanted, and that you should have seen that.

Mystifying, isn't it? When someone asks for your creative input - tells you to make it something that's your own - and then throws it back in your face as if you didn't try hard enough. It's the real-world, I get it. But the industry I'm only just starting to make my way into I've suddenly realised is a ridiculous paradox - ridiculous hours where you spend the most of your free time with your collegues, those most like you, working overtime and your hardest on the latest assignment, making it your own, being proud, giving us no one but each other to lean on, to understand, and then they have the nerve to turn around and say that it isn't what they wanted, that the support networks we have grown to rely on over the course of our education have made us unfit for the workforce - unfit for a workforce that's all about teamwork. That because of it, we can't see past our own mistakes.

I'm telling you now, it doesn't make any sense. And I'm sick of it.

My project's due Friday, and I've only done about half of it. I will have to pull a few more all-nighters, and then I will be done for the semester with the industry of game-making. I think it's a break I'm very much deserving of.

4:27am. Back to work.
 

Okay. After having received more than my fair share of "Are you still alive?" emails, I'm posting on here to set the record straight on a couple of questions people have been asking me repeatedly, and also to probably just vent about how sucky life can be sometimes. XD

First thing first: Clearly, just by reading this post, you will have all noticed that I am, indeed, alive...under a Mt-Everest-sized amount of work (scroll to bottom of page to see list). To all my Definition: Life readers - the chapter is only about 1000 words away from completion, but the time required to write said 1000 words doesn't exist at the moment. I know I promised that I would get it finished over my Easter Break, but I've been very sick over the past couple of weeks, and I'm only now just recovering.  At this stage I'm trying to write a couple of hundred words a day - so that it'll get finished soon, but it's not always working out that way. In short, I'll post it when I can, but I can't tell you when that will be.

I've also been getting a surprising amount of enquires about 2 other things, both completely un-related to the other, except that they both come from the same fandom. Some of my readers (you know who you are) have somehow (Tom - I'm blaming you! :P) found my AMV forum and website, seen my work and want to know if I'll take comissions for doing Twilight music videos, or in fact, if I plan to do any myself. And while I'm very flattered that all of those who have seen my anime-based stuff really liked it, the short answer to that question is no. Not now. To anyone who has talked to me about my opinions on the Twilight movie, you'll know that I in no way, liked any of it, really. And for me to be able to make a music video - I have to be inspired enough to come up with some kind of theme and storyboard. The movie in no way made me want to use it for a video, so don't count on seeing Twilight videos around that are made by me. I also have absolutely no spare time in which to make AMV's at the moment, and they can sometimes take me months, even when when I'm working on them constantly.

The second question I'm starting to get more of lately is do I know anything about a New Moon premiere being organised, now that the date has been set for the movie's release (which is my 21st birthday, by the way, which should give you an idea of how willing I am at this stange to do it). The short answer to that again is no. J from The Queensland Twilight Fandom was the one who got the Twilight premiere going - the brains behind it all - and I only helped out here and there when I could. And while I would be happy to help out again with another event (depending on my assessment calendar next semester), there are no plans for a New Moon premiere at this point in time. You should all know that it will be significantly harder to organise something similiar this time round because of how hugely popular the Twilight franchise is now - the big cinema companies are significantly more willing to turn private group business away because they can be certain that tickets to New Moon will definitely sell, without the trouble of trying to keep watch over and organise 1000 hyper teenage girls.  

That is the end of the Fanfiction/Twilight portion of this entry. If you want me to address another question here, send me an email.

Quick Venting:

1) I met with my supervisor yesterday afternoon; he wanted to show his "concern" over my passing grade I got for an assignment when my average is much higher. All I really wanted to do was to tell him to bite me - that how I earn my 5.5 GPA shouldn't matter to him as long as I do get it, and if he really still does have his concerns, to not bring them up with me until the end of the semester when there's nothing I can do about it. Of course I didn't say anything like that; I just smiled and nodded the whole time. I had to go all that way into the city for 10 minutes of his "precious" time. Asshole.

2) My younger brother and sister are having a "who can slam their door the loudest" and abusing competition after my brother drank the last 50mls of Coke out of a bottle my sister bought a few days ago. My brother won't apologise or replace it because my sister has apparently done it to him plenty of times before, and my sister won't apologise because, well, a) she never apologises for anything she does - she shows how sorry she is making all of these cryptic little messages in a foreign/made-up language and b) because "whatever she took of Brock's (my brother) soft-drink, wouldn't make up for the cans and cans he has taken of hers. Yeeeeaaah. You try and figure out who is the silliest of the two. I can't.

3) I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and anemia this week...and am therefore not allowed anywhere near as much sugar as I am used to having. What's worse is that I'm also to avoid caffeine and simple carbohydrates when I can. Coffee. Cookie Dough Ice-cream. Sherbies. Potatoes. White bread. Gone. :'( Also don't like needles, so am in a bit of pickle here. I can't get my head around actually voluntarily stabbing myself. Ugh. The world is ending as I know it. XD

4) Have six major projects due all on the same day: Friday, 29th May; A 3D, interactive computer game level; a 1700 word short story with 300 word peer-critique; a hand-drawn and virtual animation portfolio; a motion graphic (music video) demo reel; and my final motion graphic project.  Am currently pondering pleading insanity by way of mental break down. :P Hence the non-existent fanfic-ing.

 

 

So it's 11:15pm and here I'm sitting with my seven frames of a hand gradually clenching into a fist, ready to be uploaded. Technically, I was going to upload them on Friday, but got distracted when I found a whole load of books I really, really want on Amazon.com and Dymocks' online store. Decided to work on it today, which I did, but then got distracted again by sudden, compulsive need to finish off my Arthur Zero fursuit, which weighs 5kg. Ugh. That's going to suck having that hanging off my shoulders for 3 days straight, but eh ... it'll look cool. :D Spent the afternoon fiddling around with different materials to be used for the inexblicably spiky tail and soon got bored, so I went and rewatched the last 12 epsidoes of D Gray Man and ate an entire tub of Cookie Dough ice-cream from Cold Rock. Will have to actually finish my work tomorrow after my cousin's baby shower, which is on the Sunshine Coast. Means I get in some great iPod time, at least.

There are many reasons I have not updated my blog in a month; the main one being of course that I'm just too lazy to even turn on my computer a lot of the time. Funny that I should need one to access this site, huh? The other big one is that well ... I just don't have that much going on in my life. I do - or will do - university wise once everything gets going in a couple of weeks, but other than that I don't tend to do much outside of study. I did go to an awesome FOB concert with Jemima - my ears were still ringing when I woke up the next morning. XD And a Lord of the Rings marathon that reminded me why I loved the books so much when I first read them, and also why the movies were certainly one of the best book-to-movie adaptations ever done. My motto has always been 'work hard, play nothing cause I'm too damn tired leave me alone.' I mean, seriously! How can you "play hard" if you "work hard"? You'd end up dying from exhaustion!

Another big reason: holidays have given me time and money. Time to find vampire books I haven't (surprisingly) read yet in the YA sections of bookstores. Money to buy said said books (back to my three-books-a-week-habit. Bad, I know) ... and also a few new outfits. Maybe. XD Time and money to work on cosplay (though I didn't really start working on my outfit for Supernova until after uni started, but that's beside the point, I think ;D), and some money left over to take to Supernova, which I still can't touch for another month yet :S I really need to change my contact lenses. Might do that now. ;D

Anywho, uni this semester should be fun, save one subject. This stupid drawing subject I have to do is scaring the crap out of me. If there is one thing that would convince a jury that my body is incapable of functioning properly and therefore will require immediate hospitalisation, it's not the voices in my head, or the conversations I constantly have with myself, or my overwhelming urge to burn and/or starve cyber people to death ... it's my drawing. A three year old can draw better than I can, for god's sake! It's humiliating! :S Eh. I'll see how long I last.

So, a summary of the past 4 months?: A crap Chobits AMV; more books that read almost exactly like Twilight and don't fit anywhere; more clothes I didn't need ... that don't fit anywhere; work that was too easy and boring; a still-developing obsession with chicken roills and egg mayonaise; money I can't spend; anime that I didn't have, but have already watched numerous times anyway; an awesome concert and a couple of epic marathons; and a deep hatred/jealousy for people who are overseas when I am not. :P

Probably not all that progressive or amazing, life-wise. But awesome nonetheless. :D

Oh, who am I kidding ... I'm just pissed because I'm back to living the life of a student - i.e not working and living off a budget. :S Grrr ...

So...after 23 days of doing as little as physically possible, I have now started exercising with my gorgeous little puppy dogs. :D I do a 5km walk every afternoon at 5pm on the dot, so I'm back at around 6:30 - just before it starts getting dark. It's been good in some ways, bad in others. I have just discovered how incredibly unfit I am, so I'm trying to fix that. And though I know it's not an absolute necessity for me, I have cut waaaaay back on the crap I eat. I've been sleeping much better, my skin has improved, and I think I'm actually starting to grow some muscles. XD I've decided that my New Years Resolution will be to eat healthier and walk that 5km walk every day. Cliche, no? :P

Had a strange compulsion to complete the Via Infinito last night at about 1am (the incredibly long and painful side-quest in Final Fantasy X-2 where you have to battle your way through 100 floors of ridiculously strong fiends), and managed to finish 95% of it in 4 hours, 38 minutes, which is a new record for me. Just have to do Trema now, which I don't like. That battle takes about 35 minutes of hyper button-mashing just to stay alive, and my hands always ache for about 3 hours afterwards. :S

Want to go back to university as well, which is slightly shocking for me. I haven't felt like this since I was accepted into QUT back at the end of 2006. I think it's because I usually bolt to somewhere like Japan for my 4 month break from all that is stupid and no-sense making in the world of education, and never want to come home. Made the stupid mistake of deciding to stay home for the holidays this year, and I'm seriously regretting it. :S Mostly just because Jemima is over there, right now, having a ball with Final Fantasy drinks, figurines and singing theme songs to anime as she walks down the streets of Kyoto, and texting me about all of it. :P

I'm sooooo jealous. XD

Thank God I'm going again this year.

What else...? Oh! Spent waaaay to much money on anime again because JB-Hi-Fi Just got in new stock, so I went a little nuts. Bought another Final Fantasy X artbook (cause I really needed it... XD)  

Developing an addiction to this new playlist I made up that includes Secondhand Serenade, Panic at the Disco, Muse, The Fray, Nickelback and The Presets. Not entirely sure why, but it's made for some fantastic writing music! :D For those of you really only wanting to know when it is I plan to update my fics, Definition: Life chapter 9 should be finished by tomorrow, provided that I can be strict enough with myself and make sure I get at least a few hours writing time in. Midnight Waltz is also making some surprising progress. It's hard to tell if all of this abruptly productive work is a result of me being more disiplined or because I'm just ludicrously bored all the time, and even got bored of sleeping because I was bored...man, that's sad. *Sigh*

Going to try and sleep now. Even though I have the day off work tomorrow, I'm planning to start again on my cosplay. Not entirely sure I'll be successful with that, but we'll see. XD   

Not much to say in this entry. This is the first time I've left my PS2 in about 18 hours....That tends to happen when I'm re-playing Final Fantasy games - I forget about my own life and needs. 

Just finished Final Fantasy X again for the...man, I wished I kept a tally. :S I do however, have over 4000 hours worth of playing time saved on my memory card! :D Playing through the entire game takes me about 80 - 100 hours, depending on how anal I am with training, and the size of my God complex. A normal person would take sigificantly less than that. There's something very satisfying about completing a major boss battle in three hits, (if that) - particularly the ones where the guide details that battle and how to go about it for a good 2 - 4 pages. XD What I like especially is killing Seymour in a few hits. That arrogant, sociopathic prick needs a good kick up the ass several times during the game, and, aided by Tidus' supreme jealousy and hate for the jerk-off who nearly married Yuna, I am more than happy to provide that service. XD

So, after bawling my eyes out for the 109, 546, 235th time, I've now started Final Fantasy X-2. I've been sitting there for six hours doing nothing but train Yuna, Rikku and Paine. I had almost forgotten how beautifully pathetic Yuna is in this installement *happy sigh*. Also remembering how much obvious they've made the fan-service in this one. :S I just finished giving Leblanc a massage, in which, when I hit the "right spot" she'd cry, "Oh! You're so good! Don't stop!"

Hmmmm....

Also went and saw Seven Pounds with my mum a few days back, and was absolutely hysterical for about an hour afterwards. I was so bad in the cinema that people thought I was having a panic attack. There are now only three movies in the history of film that have accomplished that goal for me - Seven Pounds, Titanic and Grave of the Fireflies. Ugh...that movie just made me want to top myself by the end of it. As my mum so eloquently put it, after swearing that I'm not allowed to pick a movie again: "That was great. Tomorrow, why don't we see if there's a movie about a puppy being tortured and run over by a car?"

You pretty much feel like that puppy after seeing that movie.

Also completely irelevent, but I made a Chobits AMV. A bad one. I don't like it much. Still can't decide if I want to delete it or not. Probably will. No progress on the CG AMV, sorry, or my cosplay outfit. Both are just kinda sitting there, staring at me, transmitting a message in a constant stream into my brain, "Finish me, finish me, finish me..."

And my response for the past 19 days has been: "Can't be arsed...What's on TV?"

I'll probably die the week before Supernova of a stress-related disorder, in which my head explodes, but right now I just don't care. -_-  

Also just heard that Vanessa Hudgens from the High School musical saga has auditioned successfully for a  role in New Moon. Apart from being disgusted, the only person I could think of that she would play would be Katie - Eric's girlfriend. Thank God if this is the case. New Moon is already sounding a tad dodgy, lets not make a bad situation worse, right? :P

And so, among having done as little as physically possible in the past week or so, and not sleeping for 3 days, I did do a ghost tour of Toowong Cemetery last Saturday night, and it was an...interesting experience. There was certainly a lot to learn about the people who live in the late 19th and early 20th century, and their beliefs about death. Most stories that were told were quite tragic, if not for the person who died, the people who were left behind. 

From butchers who used their skills to murder millionares so they could inheret their money, to famous boxers and governer-generals who died of consumption...their life stories were all fascinating. 

Toowong Cemetery has been open to the public for 138 years, and over that time, over 120,000 people have been laid to rest in the 128 hectares that make up the graveyard. It really is a necropolis - a city of the dead. It's amazing in it's own way - each belief has its own section. Jews were buried in one area (the worst, sadly - right on the road because of all the racism during the early 20th century); Chinese in another; Catholic up on the hills - the closest one could possibly get to heaven...

The cemetery was a very calming place to be as well - at first, it was hard to believe it was haunted, and even if it was, I still couldn't bring myself to think that anything or anyone that lingered there could be inherently evil. Indeed, the ghost stories that were told were mostly tragic. A woman named Mary who lived in the late 19th Century and was lucky enough to marry for love, married a very prominant economist who died of consumption and was laid to rest in a very elaborate crypt. She wept on her husband's grave until she was dragged away screaming by her friends, and died only 3 years later - cause of death unknown. It is just said that she died of a broekn heart. But a woman is reported to be seen walking up and down the hill where her husband was buried, crying into her hands. Sometimes, she is not even seen. Hundreds have reported hearing a woman crying in the area. It's happened so much that the Cemetery staff have stopped recording it.

I thought I saw something. It wasn't that clear, and because we were close to the entry of the cemetery and to the main road, it could have been just a trick of the eyes. It wasn't anything scary, either. I was actually quite surprised. I was looking around the place, not really paying attention the story the guide was telling everybody because it had been going on for a good 15 minutes and was bored. We were on top of a hill, and as I looked down the other side of the hill, I saw what looked like 2 people walking across the grass. At first, I thought that maybe they were just some of the staff coming to participate in the tour...in costume. There was a man walking along in a tuxedo and top hat, with a lady in a light, long-sleeved hoop dress and a bonnet. She sat down rather suddenly, on the grass right in front of the man and then looked right at me and...waved. Waved I tell you. She even looked like she might have been smiling, but she was quite a fair way down the hill, so it was impossible to tell. I don't even know if I saw anything to begin with at all. Maybe they were from a previous ghost tour that afternoon and were still there...? Or was it just because I really wanted to, but-not-really see something to prove to myself that ghosts really do exist? Who knows.

There was a couple of stops that we made that really got to me. The first was a man named Edward McGregor. He had been a world traveller, spoken 20 languages, and was known all round as a very dependable, nice man in his time. When he died in 1939, he made his children build a life-size statue of himself to be errected over his grave. The funny thing about this statue is that it apparently walks around the cemetery. The Gravekeeper who followed us told us that several times he's walked passed as he was mowing, and found the pedistal that the statue sits on was empty. Or Edward would be facing the other way, watching joggers as they ran past. I was chosen as the volunteer to feel his pulse. His statue is incredibly life-like. The veins in the marble even match up where veins in the human body are. The guide made me sit right next to him as I reached for his wrist with my fingers. A big part of me - the majority - was thinking are you joking? A pulse on a statue? But there was a small part of me that was actually terrified of finding one. :S  I didn't, thank goodness, but his life story, and the fact that I was there was like a bit of an epiphany for me. He travelled almost everywhere he could during his life, but mostly through Asia, and really spent time getting to know the people. He was very sucessful in his chosen profession, and never really wanted for anything: the exact kind of life I want to have. The 20 languages might be a bit much, though. XD

The last place was definitely one of the most tragic stories I've ever seen or heard of. A man named Ramo spent nine months of his life carving out the stones and designs for his family's mausoleum - a dedication the life of 3 of his 4 sons, who lost ther lives in WW1. Their names are inscribed on the walls: 'Victor - killed Messines; 'Gordon - killed Gallipoli'; 'Henry - died of wounds in Belgium'. Their ashes were entombed on the day of the dedication in 1923. Ramo also had a fourth son that he had adpoted, Fred Borell, who was also buried there. He had committed suicide a year earlier, unable to deal with the deaths of his brothers, and the guilt of having not gone to war with them. His plaque reads: 'A misguided love brought me to an early death.'  A broken read underneath the inscription symbolizes a life cut short.

And then to top it all off, Ramo makes an angry decleration to God, his disappointment and grief palpable:
 

THERE IS NO HEAVEN!
WE SHALL NOT MEET
AGAIN. MAKE THY
HEAVEN HERE AND
THOU SHALT NOT 
HAVE LIVED IN VAIN. 
 

Other powerful symbols show the builder's beliefs. A dove - the international symbol for peace that rests on the tomb of the 4 sons is painted black: no peace. When Ramo was interviewed by the Courier mail in 1923, he was quoted as saying: "Thank you to all have come, for all of your support...But I shall never recover my happiness. My world is destroyed, my God is dead."

Of course the old man turned into a rather eccentric person, the only being he talked to being his dog, but even that small solace was taken from him - his neighbour baited the puppy for always escaping into his yard. The dog was buried with him as well: 'Pup: faithful until the very end'. When Ramo himself joined his sons in the tomb, he had inscribed: 'Father and Sons united forever' , the dreadfully bitter 'All my hope lies here'; and finally; 'Hush, we are sleeping'. These words are a sad reminder of a father's desperate wish for his son's deaths to be nothing but a nightmare that they will all wake up from together.

And because at the time, Ramo was also a communist, the temple has been vandilized quite a lot by Neo-Nazi's, even to this very day. Many times the stained glass has been smashed, the stone work covered in violent grafiti.

Even now, the poor guy doesn't get to rest.

I've been back once during the day since Saturday, and walked among the graves, learning the fascinating stories of the people buried there, and again found it a very peaceful place. Going through and reading about all of those people, however, did make me stop and think about how lucky I am to live in a time where losing your entire family by the time your thirty is not the norm, it's definitely the exception. I think what makes the place so errie, and the perfect place for haunting, is the sheer amount of grief these people must have gone through losing those they loved. Mother's losing their children; wives losing their husbands; sisters losing their brothers...

I hope that when I go back, I'll be able to take some flowers to those graves that I found paticularly tragic. Most of the old ones remain neglected with weeds over-growing the headstone, the inscribed messages having long since worn away. It certainly made me very sad - to know that these people have been almost completely forgotten. The graves can't be restored because half the records were lost to a fire 75 years ago.

But that is live, I suppose. Only those who know you will remember you, and then you, too, will disappear from people's memories altogether, becoming nothing but an tiny, almost unnoticable piece of history.   

  

Today has been an...interesting day. Yes, interesting (read: adjective for "lazy"). Woke up at the rather normal time of 8:30am this morning for the first time in a week, and because I couldn't be screwed to get out of bed, I sat up and read Jane Austen's classic Emma for 6 hours (as you do), and then finally dragged myself out of bed at around 2:30pm and had "breakfast" before I settled down to watch Judge Judy for a good hour.

My mum's been working at it again today, and I can finally start to see how beautiful the house is going to look once it's finished, though the entire place is more of a building site than ever. What with the all the displaced furniture, tools, paint and varnish cans, nails, tarps, ladders, handels and the odd roller sitting in whatever floor space is available, it's a lot like having to navigate your way through a cave, just to get something to eat. It's kinda fun. XD My room is not exempt from the choas. I have a huge, although beautiful antique wardrobe sitting in the middle of everything, and it's really starting to piss me off, particularly because it's sitting right in front of my TV, so I can't watch anything for the moment. Grrr. 

Read the book that I bought for a friend as a present as well, and was laughing so hard 20 pages in that I had to stop for half an hour. I think I almost passed out from lack of oxygen. Even now, my ribs are still aching. He Died With A Felafel In His Hand is perhaps the funniest book I hav ever read (I have my own copy somewhere, but I can't find it). Two lines in and I'm already hysterical. It's about a guy who's written down every single one of his share-housing experiences as he worked his way around Australia. Case in point:

"Adam was a full on Marxist, orginally from Broken Hill. He's probably lecturing in English now. While I was living with him he would interpret everything according to a Marxist line. When we went shopping, you'd get a little diatribe on each product you took from the shelves. If this were a Marxist-society, for instance, one-litre bottles of Spring Valley juice would be just the right height to hold dry fettucine. But because this is a capitalist society they make the Spring Valley bottles two and a half centimeters too short. They do this on purpose."

For about 10 minutes, I laughed so hard I had tears running down my face.

Another good one:

" A rat died in the living room at King Street and we didn't know. There was at least 6 inches of crap between our feet and the floor. Old Ratty must have crawled in there and died of pleasure. A visitor uncovered him while groping about for a beer."


And for the final course:

"An English girl whom I didn't get on very well with put some dead fish up the chimney in my bedroom and then went out for the night with some other girls who lived there. While they were out, she had a fight with one of them. She came home steaming, marched into my room, while I was sitting there, took the fish out of my chimney and put it in the other girls bed."

Hehehehehehe....

Brilliant. XD

Just printing out the tickets now for my ghost tour of Toowong Cemetry that I'm doing with my mum tomorrow night...and starting to get a little nervous. XD

Ooooh, one more. Hope whoever's reading this isn't eating while they're doing so! XD

"Wayne the Decoy lived in this house in West End that was pretty rank. They were always smoking cones and getting the munchies. They loved the Decoy because he's make popcorn using this special American receipe with lots of salt and butter. A friend stayed over one night, smoking cones and stuffing his face with this popcorn. He crashed on the couch with his big moustache of butter all round his mouth, When Decoy came down in the morning, this guy was still asleep but clustered in a big black beard around his open mouth were all these cockroaches, eating the butter."

Okay, I'm done now. I swear.

Had a very non-evenful day today. Stopped playing Zelda about 5:30am and went out into the living room to watch TV and make myself some breakfast...And saw that the Death Note live movie was on. Didn't really bother me until I found out that it was just a recap of pretty much the entire Death Note anime, minus Light's father and L dying, and Light's sister and mother both going crazy. WTF? I thought all the acting was done pretty well, but the storyline sucked big time.

Anyway...7am...got bored, so I went to lie down for a few hours, and woke up at 1:30pm today. Played more Zelda until 2:30pm and then dicussed the pros of painting our entire living area and kitchen in peppercorn (a light greyish colour) with my mum - it sets off the orange in our floorboards nicely. We originally wanted to change the colour, but when we added a darker gloss on top, all it did was make the floors very shiny. It's obviously a chemical reaction in the pine that means it just wants to be that colour no matter what anybody says. Anyway, that went on for about half an hour.

I watched the iTunes countdown for an hour and a half and then got hungry, so called Pizza Hut and ordered a thin and crispy ground beef anf cheese - yummy! Sat down and watched Judge Judy with my mum for an hour. Also just finished booking tickets for the Toowong Ghost Tour, which should be enough to keep me up for the rest of the week and destroy my sleeping patterns altogether! Getting bored again, so I'll probably go and play Zelda again...maybe even some Final Fantasy X...probably not...can't be stuffed, really. Probably a movie or some anime or something. Eh.

 And the meaning of the name of my entry? Whenever I get sick, I'm always left with a cough that sounds like a seal (I'm not kidding), and my family has given me so much grief about it that I've all but submitted to the comments like, "Hey mum, when did we get a pet seal?" and "Hey, I think the seal wants some food..."

*Sigh* Can't pick your family, right? -_-;

Still feeling pretty crappy, so not really up to doing much right now.

So it's 4am here and I'm wide-didly-do-awake. I'm so awake I'm shaking as I type, though whether that's attributed to the 15 degree air-con temperature or the 72 hours of sleep I've had in the past four days, I wouldn't know.

For those of you just after a fic update: Definition: Life is over 50% complete. And so is Midnight Waltz. Give me about another week, and it'll be done. Maybe sooner, not really sure at this stage. Now run away quickly before you freak out too much! :P

So...got the flu on Saturday after spending the afternoon in a friend's pool. Didn't wake up Sunday morning, and when I finally came to at about 2pm in the afternoon, I was freezing, had a sore throat, and my sinues were so blocked I felt like someone was trying to smother me to death with a pillow. Not cool. Still not feeling 100% now - I can't stop sneezing! - but at least I'm consious. Was officially consious again about 3pm this afternoon. :D We'd run out of cold medicine, so I just had Ibuprofen and Panadol to keep me company. Didn't work too well as you could imagine. Just thinking, though, it's amazing, isn't it? How when you get sick as a little kid, it never has any bearing on what you have planned for the day. Of course you're going to make those mud pies, and ride your bikes down at the park with your brother and sister. Of course you're going to play Shops and build a cubby house out of your mum's Egyptian Cotton sheets in the front yard amongst the trees and mud...particularly if it's just rained. (Hehehehe...I'm not speaking of personal experience or anything ;D)

When you're 20, you pass out for 3 days. How did that happen?

I took Panadol once a day, and then I went into a coma for 16 hours. Pretty trippy I have to admit, if I think about some of the dreams I had...fevers make you so high. Taking Pikachu to Amsterdam on a trip around China, anyone? @_@ (Don't ask.)

Getting the new kitchen installed too - my mum's doing it all herself (Isn't she awesome? :P). I didn't hear the sander or the chainsaw she used to cut the wood, or the banging of the mallet as she tore out the place entirely, or the loud crash when she threw the old stuff into the skip, but I woke up when my mum came in to feel my forehead and check my temperature. WTF? So, yeah. I've basically woken up to half a new kitchen. O_O I was a little freaked out... 

The only good times during those few days I can remember are the few hours I was consious enough to play my new game: Zelda and the Pahntom Hourglass (seriously, one of the best Zelda games I've played. About third on the list. Ocarina of Time and Twilight Princess are the be-all and end-all of RPG strategy games, and nothing can compete *happy sigh*. Before I got sick, I was smart enough to buy the Collector's Edition of the Walkthrough, and though it was ridiculously expensive because of it's hardcover and gilded pages (I'm 100% serious here - the pages have gold lining! Can you imagine anything else more unecessarily awesome on a walkthrough of all things? XD) it did come with the exclusive artbook detailing the prologue of the game, and a very beautiful and handy map that I'm extraordinarily fond of because it's making my running through the game so much easier...and it's just so pretty to look at. Seriously. If you have a DS - Buy. It. Now.

Anyway, away from my needless plugging...who is it that has really pissed me off? Despite my knowing that he just irritates the hell out of me every time I have something to do with him?

Suzaku.

Suzaku Kururrugi.

Go die.

Why the hell did I start ficcing him? Dear God why??? He's got his own voice now, so naturally he wanted to voice his opinions on my AMV.

I open up my AMV files, ready to try and work on the stupid thing (now tentively titled: Bloodstains (They Just Won't Come Out)), which of course, is refering to Lelouch's state of mind during the beginning of the series, which is as far as I've gotten at the moment...

Anyway, back to the Suzaku thing.

He wanted his own room. *Eye twich* To those of you who I've been discussing my AMV concept for Code Geass with, you'll know what I'm talking about. If you don't well...I'm trapping Lulu in a dilapidated room with blood running down his forearms and onto the floor (thank you Adobe After Effects CS4!!! :D) to show the blood of his sins, ya da ya da ya da...

"That's a very nice idea," I told Suzaku. "But it would take me forever."

"So? Lelouch gets one! I want one too!"

"No."

"So you'll give an ego-centric, masochistic, geass-happy maniac a room, but not me?"

"Yep."

"Why? He's the bad guy! He killed Euphie!"

"It was an accident. Stop living the past, man. He was sorry. And I don't like you, so leave me alone."

"...Your AMV sucks."

"Go die."

So I eventually decided that I would give Suzaku's room a go - though it would completely screw up my storyboards and considerably add to the time it would take me to finish it off...Stupid Suzaku...

It's just not working! Gah! He only ever looks all depressed and mopey when he's in his fancy Lancelot, Knight of Seven or Knight of Zero outfits...And Lulu's sitting in his room in his school uniform. And I'm not letting Suzaku of all people upstage Lelouch in my AMV. That would just be cruel, no? That, and I would never hear the end of it, Lelouch being the attention whore that he is. And Suzaku, particualrly in those outfits, is a bitch to cut out. God. I just want to assult him with a blunt weapon to the back of the head. Maybe if he's unconsious and not moving that will make it easier. Haha.

So...after spending hours and hours doing useless fottage, how did I get my revenge? By making Euphie the first one to die in the AMV, that's how. And Suzaku had a watch of course. Multiple times, as I edited the footage. Hehehehe....

And so now it's 5am here and still not tired, but feeling slightly better now that I've had my crazy rant. XD Probably go and play Zelda for a bit now. I'm bored...and most certainly NOT doing anymore AMV work today. Or possibly this week. XD Ciao peoples.

(Please don't kill me, J :P)

I'll admit right now, that after a pretty full on few days leading up to, and after my NYE celebrations, my life has and hasn't changed. It's changed in the way I go about it, and it's changed in that, for now, I have a very clear idea of what I want it to be like this year, and in the years that follow.

Strange, isn't it, how thoughtful you become when you realise the passing of time? Though I suppose for the majority of people it isn't strange, it's certainly new to me. That definitely is something I have learnt this year - to stop and think about what you want and how to go about it, rather then diving in thoughtlessly and then finding out half-way through that you would do anything and everything in your power to not be in a particular situation right there and then. :S That's happened several times this year, and each time I've dived under a boulder and plugged my ears, trying to pretend that nothing's happening. A bad and rather immature coping strategy, I know, but one that I recognise as a defense mechanism. A very good defense mechanism - I can't believe that I've been neglecting it all this time, because it's been trying to tell me what I don't want, and it's something I'm sure that I won't want for quite awhile, I imagine.

But what I do want? I want to continue enjoying my university work - animation, computer games and editing all different types of media is definitely what I want to end up doing in my future career. I've also discovered that I don't plan to remain here in Australia for very long after I graduate. I want a comfortable life in some new place overseas, with a full-time job I enjoy, while indulging my hobbies in my spare time. And I want to advance in my career - climbling quite high up the ladder - and live the lifestyle of someone who never has to worry about money. I know that with this wish comes sacrifice, and for the moment, I don't have a problem with that at all. I've never really wanted to be in a relationship, or have a family. Perhaps it's just that you don't think about these things when you're 20 and are about to really start your life. Maybe I'll change completely in ten years time. Who knows.

This year certainly has been good in terms of my hobbies and my social circle - it has widened considerably from my immediate family and two very good friends, to some fantastic university acquaintances who keep even the dullest lectures and tutorials entertaining and a handful of wonderful, generous, all round brilliant people I've met through anime and book fandoms, who share my obsessions for fangirling over fictional characters XD.

I've picked up a new hobby and rejoined with an older one. Thanks to the influence of a very awesome friend, I've now picked up on the happenings of the anime conventions that happen every year in my city. I used to only ever go along for a few hours so I could scoop up all the Final Fantasy merchadise I didn't already have and then leave. This year, I'm dressing up as a cat with a rather flamboyant, spiky helmet stuck on it's head so that I can dance on public transport and get glomped by rabid fans - something that couldn't have seemed more ridiculous or stupid to me this time in 2007. :D

I've remembered that AMV-ing is not soley for Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts, but for anime as well. I'm now in the process of doinjg several anime AMV's, mostly at the encouragement or fans, and the promise of winning a couple of boxes of anime for my troubles. XD I've spent hours squeeling over Twilight, finished reading almost all of the Tope 100 - I haven't read Harry Potter because I just find it boring; blasphemy I know! :P - as well as every YA-classified book in Angus and Robertson. I did well enough in my university assessment to earn a place on the Dean Scolars List - something of great significance to someone who's never aimed to be particularly scholastic in all of her 12 years of schooling.

And amongst all of these wonderful happenings, I have really, only one regret. I will probably never again be as close with a particular family member as I once was. Time heals all wounds, apparently, but 7 months still isn't enough. :S There are days when I think everything will be okay in a few weeks, and days when I just know fixing it all will be impossible. I miss her very much, but then again, there are some things you cannot fix no matter how hard you try.

I thought about all of this as I drank liquid Aero Bar cocktails with a group of new friends, over dinner as I fangirled with them over anime, and as the fireworks went off over the Brisbane River - about how much my life had changed since the year before, about how I didn't think I could be any happier with the way things were going for me...And also about the things it seemed I had to lose and learn the hard way in order for all that to happen. About how if all the awkward, horrible stuff was worth the good stuff in the end. 

And I can safely say that yes, it was. And overall, I'm the happiest I've ever been. :D           

Soooo...not really much to report today, apart from the fact that I am now on holidays for 3 weeks! XD I plan to spend that time finishing off my Code Geass AMV's (not going well), finishing off my Arthur Zero cosplay outfit for Supernova next April (also not going very well), the website for the Queensland Twilight Fandom (going very badly) and writing my original novel and fanfiction (which is going well...that actually doesn't surprise me because out of the three, it's considered the least important). XD

I think it's my body rejecting anything that even resembles what I do at university or work. My temper has also shortened considerably when it comes to this stuff, though it's hard to know whether it is my temper, or just these weeks leading up to Christmas when you're just generally fed up with the world, and want to tell everyone who's demanding stuff of you to just crawl into a ditch and die, preferably in some horribly painful way (I'm good with customers, as you can see). XD

I love making AMV's and music videos and generally playing around with the Adobe stuff, but I can't believe that I seem to have forgotten how much work it all is. It just takes so much fiddling for hours and hours on end, and I have absolutely no patience at the moment. No wonder it takes me forever to do this kinda thing. It has me a little worried actually - it makes me feel like I have to choose if I want this kind of thing to be my career or just a hobby, and I don't want it to come down to that...it makes me feel like maybe I should take the focus off the video editing and creating side, stick to the animation, and just go with something else. I know I won't, because I like the sound of what I'm doing in those video editing units next year way too much to change. I dunno. Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through. :S

The good news about my writing suddenly deciding it wants to be written is that the next chapter of Definition: Life is almost done. Wanda just hasn't shut up since about lunch time. It's been an interesting afternoon trying to decode all the post its I was writing on while I helped my mum (and bodd) fold and send away 400 wallplanners to member companies. Mind-numblingly boring doesn't even begin to describe how that went. I even passed out on the floor when my mum went out on her lunch break - sleeping was more appealing than staying awake. That's a new one for me. XD

Wanda isn't the only one who hasn't shut up either - put C.C, Lelouch and Suzaku together in a small headspace for a long period of time, and you know there's going to be probelms. Take out Lulu and keep Suzaku, and then vice versa, and you end up with some pretty interesting conversations going on, but I think Suzaku's temper is the most colourful. C.C Doesn't give a shit, either way, and Lulu...well, as my friend put it to me the other day, he's just an attention whore. A very entertaining attention whore, but still the kind of person who'll do anything for you to notice him, and then berate you if you ignore him. XD 

Anyway...As far as progress with the AMV goes, it's pretty slow. All my slides and music and movie files used have been screwed around with ever since I handed my computer over to get fixed, and it's taking me time just to get all that working again. It's like untangling a really tight knot in your favourite necklace or pair of sneakers - it takes you forever, but sooner or later you just throw it against the wall and walk away because you get so fristrated, only to come back to it a few hours later to repeat that entire process. :S Once I get through that, it'll be slightly easier. I hope.

Progress on Arthur isn't going well because seams and I just don't get along - particularly those on sleeves. "Sleeve Seams" - say that 5 times really quickly. :P

So, overall, Christmas projects not going well really. I think I just need to wait for Christmas to be over - everyone is so frenzied, impatient and anxious...maybe it's subconsiously contagious? I can't honestly say that I've been in a good mood for a while now - that probably hasn't been helping me get any work done. The thing is, I know why I want Christmas to be over: because come 4pm on Christmas day, everything is going to become incredibly awkward. The uncle I haven't since I was nine, my dad who I see once a year (if that) and my 90 year old grandma who still thinks I'm her eldest grandaughter (and my cousin), Rebbeca (who I haven't seen since I was 8), will be coming over for a few hours to drop off presents. I know none of these people, despite them being family, and I have no intention of starting a relationship with them now. Grrr...I hate being obligated to do something - it just puts me in an even more unhappy mood.

At least I have a Death Note Marathon and Pancake lunch to look forward to after all of that crap. Maybe that'll serve as my motivation. XD

My computer is back!!! I'm so happy right now, I could tap dance on the Captain Cook Bridge, even though I don't have a clue how I'd go about it. XD Now I get back to my beloved fanfiction and anime AMV's! :D  I' ve been having a pretty good few days. Went to Dreamworld yesterday with a good mate of mine, and it was surprisingly enjoyable, considering how anti-social I am these days. :P It was ridiculously hot, though I still had a pretty good time. Before that, had a Code Geass marathon at J's place. :D :D I don't think I'll ever get sick of watching anime all day - CG especially. Ugh. I always just want to off myself after watching that last episode. Not cool at all. :S Planning to do stuff all this weekend, as in not leaving the house because I'll be working on several CG projects. :P I'll probably write or keep making my AMV's because I'm so delighted to have my computer back. The nice guys of Ace Computer World even cleaning Toshi for me, so he's all beautiful and shiny - he looks exactly like he did the first day I bought him home. XD XD

Ah, the memories.

The guy who fixed Toshi for me also thanked me for breaking his record; apparently I had 2GB worth of spyware, cookies and other mailcious bastards sitting on my hard drive. :S Amazing what a virus can do to your computer in 48 hours, because I know it definitely wasn't that way before. :S I got the stupid virus in the first place by trying to download a hack key for Flash CS3, but I guess I'm just going to have to download it again. Dammit. They also completely cleaned out my computer and internte caches, so all my favourites, thumbnails and wallpapers no longer work properly - I have to download them all again, which is a pain, but I guess it's nothing compared to what could have happened. I haven't been able to really sleep this past week, but I'll be able to now. :D

Pretty quiet at work today. I'm so happy that I have all my proper software back, and that I'm not trying to use FrontPage *shudder*. Only 2 more days of work to go, then I have 3 weeks of holidays over Christmas before I get back into it for another 5 weeks, and then it's back to uni again at the end of Feburary. Next semester has me freaking out already. I could barely handle two 3D animation units last semester because of how bloody time consuming they were. Next year, I'll have 4 of them. Crap. :S Pretty much the same for the semester after that, too. *Sigh* I really was meant to not have a life outside of my computer.... Not that I'm disappointed with that, really. :P It'll all help me make my Code Geass AMV's the most awesome in Australia. XD

I was so relieved when J opened up her WF 2008 Limited Edition Suzaku Figma and started jumping around - I don't actually know now why I was so worried she wouldn't like it, especially considering how furiously she defends the stupid idiots actions. :P I think I was just concerned she may already have it - she has so many figurines already that I don't know which ones are which. :P I just gambled on the fact that she probably didn't have it because it was so rare. :D And besides, what kind of a friend would I be if I didn't abuse my Japanese connections to get my friends what anime merchandise they wanted? XD XD XD

Better get back to it now! 

I don't understand how I get caught out every year. You would think that after 5 years of actually having my own money to spend on Christmas presents, I would have learned by now. But no. Every year when it comes to this, I'm still always excited - still gushing to myself over what perfect gifts I've found for my family and friends.

It lasts about 2 minutes.

Got into Brisbane city today, and after lugging my mum's beautiful - but extremely heavy antique gold frame down 4 levels in a glass elavator full of people who have just finished their last day of the working week, and then going all the way back up again to get my brother's Guitar Hero World Tour pack and doing the same thing, I was already over it. People just walk at you and wait for you to move, and if they happen to run into you, well, sorry but you should have moved faster! It's a bit hard to play Frogger on the Queen St Mall when you have so much shopping that you can hardly see where you're going! Why the hell can't people just stay out of the way? I mean, do they honestly think you can see them? Gah. Every time someone clipped me when I didn't move fast enough (which was often) I almost lost my balance and fell flat on my butt. Not happy, Brisbane city! :S

And then today....Coming to my own local mall was just as bad. On a Saturday the week before Chrstmas, I guess I should have seen it coming, but...yeah. Apparently not. I'm blinded by the "holiday spirit" someone once said to me. Bull shit. I'm blinded by the huge, scary moving wall of people! The queue just to get into the carpark was half an hour long. The carpark was full, and there was no where else to park! People just had to sit and wait until one became available. And after spending 2 hours waiting in lines with crying babies and other grumpy people, I was feeling pretty crappy myself. :S Anyway. Guess it's something everyone goes through, right?

Not the only problem I had with today. I was hardly in a social mood, and a friend of mine just refused outright to let me say no to him coming over. No matter what I said. I tried being polite - saying that I promised to help my nana with her Christmas shopping (which was very true), so instead he asked if he could come with.  I tried to say that he would have been better off going to the coast with his family, but he as adamant that he spend the day with me before his family goes to Rockhampton for Christmas next week. I mean, I kind of get it - I haven't seen him for a month, and they are up there for another month. We've gotten along great since we were both in grade 2 (now we're 20). But when one person is already in an anti-social mood, how does forcing yourselves on them makke things any better? How does that person think that everything will be fine turn up, essencially uninvited? Maybe's it's just men, and their inability to pick up the subtlties of "fuck off!" waves we give off sometimes. Who knows. :S

Haven't been able to stop thinking about storylines for possible Code Geass AMV's this week either. I've got three in progress, none of which are the one that I really want to get done, but of course, can't, because my stupid computer went and got itself three Trogan Horses! Of all the stupid things to do. Seriously. :S I just hope my hard drive can be salavged. That would keep me sane. If I lose everything, I have no idea what I'll do. I'm terrified, and I won't know the prognosis till Monday afternoon...
 

Today hasn't been very nice. Quite depressing, actually. Thanks to the government's new policy, the rebate on water tanks has been diposed of, in a very deliberate and snaeky move 2 weeks before Christmas. Of course this doesn't affect you if you already own a water tank, or weren't even going to buy one at all, but for the retailers and manufacturers my mother's association cater's to, it's a death sentence for their business. We've been inundated with calls all day - people who are hysterical about what's happened, and woke up this morning deciding that they'd never open their doors again. This is the final blow in what has been a dismal year for the rotational moulding industry (polyethylene manufacturers). About a month ago the stupid Anna Bligh government brought the price of an environmental license for plastic manufactueres up from just $450 a year to a whopping $10,800. In other words, the entire plastics manufacturing industry in QLD has been killed, curtesy of the Anna Bligh Government. Can't believe that this stage that I actually voted for her.

I'm well aware that their main concern is recycled and large-scale water solutions, like desalinized water, but as my mum very cleverly wrote in her press release to the media yesterday, Anna Bligh definitely is the Grinch who stole Christmas. What a cow. She and her laggies don't give a shit about the little guys.
 
Man. And I think I have ot bad sometimes. These people's lives will never be the same again - companies declaring they're bankrupt 2 weeks before Christmas! Ugh. It's horrible. My moral certainly isn't very high right now. Makes it hard to stay motivated.

Probably doesn't help that I still don't have a clue about the fate of my beloved laptop. I was trying to continue the construction of a webpage today without Photoshop, Flash, Adobe After Effects or Dreamweaver, because all that software is...guess? That's right - on my laptop. The laptop whose harddrive might not be salvaged. Grrr. I'm going insane not knowing what's going to happen, and I still won't know what's going to happen for almost 6 days yet! Gah. Maybe I'll do some sewing when I get home or something. Friday and the weekend are something to look forward to, at least. While my mum confers with her boss, Vicki Wilson (yep, the famous netball captain) over lunch, I am going shopping for Arthur Zero's helmet fabric and materials, and possibly some Christmas shopping. Should be good fun. :D  I've almost finished the fur suit, so I think I should definitely have him finished in a few weeks, and then I can start on Timcanpy! Yay!

Sitting here at work, trying to concentrate, and as you can see, not managing very well at all. :S The only things, it seems, I can think about, are songs that would be perfect for a Suzaku-centric and Zero-centric AMV - like Best Of You by the Foo Fighters for Suzaku and Hands Held High by Linkin Park for Zero -  and how wonderfully cute my new little Timcanpy is looking as he sits on either my desk during the day, or on my bed with me as I read in the afternoon/night. A very talented friend made it for me for my birthday. Can you believe it? I haven't had anything made for me for my birthday since I was about 7. :P She's clearly very talented in the ways of Timcanpy construction. :D Bad. I know, that I can't concentrate, considering that the office I work has just been turned upside down with an announcement from the government. Everybody is completely freaking out. Not cool.

Anyway...on to more important concerns. Like cutting and sewing fur. Oh, God, I had no idea what I was getting into. Cutting fur is perhaps one of the most unpleasant jobs I've ever had. And to do it in 35 degree heat probably didn't help either. Ugh. I'm sure you can all imagine what happens when you cut fur - the pile goes everywhere. All through your hair, all over your clothes, all over the floor and rugs. And it sticks. Cleaning it up is even worse than making the mess in the first place. I was on my knees with a vaccume cleaner for 2 hours because the fur had blown in front of the fan in the living room, and spread out all over my mum's very expensive antique rug. *Sigh* Couldn't let her see that. -_-; I had coughed up several hairballs by the end of the afternoon - certainly not the most pleasant experience I've had, but I have come to understand and appreciate how hard a cat has it now. XD 

If that wasn't bad enough, I then had to start actually sewing the bloody stuff. Jeez. All I can say is that, artistically retarded as I am, I shouldn't have jumped into fur straight away. Oh, well. Too late to go back now. And besides, I am actually looking forward to wearing the finished product. Should be good fun - wearing a giant fur suit with a helmet and dancing on public transport. XD XD XD The hours and hours of suit-making will be totally worth it then!

*Claws at face*

So...I finallly finish the next chapter of my Host fic on Friday night (based on Stephenie Meyer's awesome novel), Definition: Life at about 3:20am Saturday morning. Too tired to edit and post it straight away, I pretty much went and passed out - stupid Twilight screening - thinking that I could post it when I wake up the next morning. After all, nothing could go wrong in 4 hours or so, right? Computers should be perfectly fine. They should be.

Mine, apparently, isn't.

I turn it back on again at exactly 11:19am the next morning, only to find that about 5 seconds after it started, 8 different "this program isn't working" windows....and then it freezes. Right, Well...that didn't actually surprise me. This is Window's Vista, after all. It screws up all the time. And it couldn't be a virus, because I have Norton Anti-Virus Premier edition - i.e $150 a year for the most annoying, time consuming, but incredibly comprehensive software on the market.

Finally, after 2 restarts, I managed to beat my computer's compulsive crashing and run a virus scan. I had 2 trojan horses and a downloader. Traslation: 3 very, very, very bad viruses. Okay. Slightly paniky, but not a big deal. I'm a computer nerd - I could fix it easy. Just delete the source file. I did. Still freezing. Crap. On the fourth try, it wouldn't even start. *Flails*

I was hysterical.

My entire life is on that computer - my university work, the beginnings of my novel, my fanfiction, my flying eyeballs, my Anime music videos, and part of a particular one I was trying really hard to get done for someone before they jet off to the US and Japan. :S My photos of family, friends and my previous 3 Japan trips...Countless passwords and emails, my anime....Oh, God. And what's worse is that I haven't backed up in almost 4 months. Stupid of me, I know, but now I don't know what I'm going to do!!!! DX DX How the hell I got it in the first place is still eluding me... 

And then if this wasn't all bad enough, when I take it in to the place I usually go for computer problems, it'll be another 7 - 9 days before they can even look at it, because of these stupid people who have been leaving their computers on and plugged in during the numerous severe thunderstorms we've had. :S I mean. come on! You don't have to be a computer nerd to know it's not smart to leave expesnive electronic equipment on and plugged to the wall during a lightening frenzy! Fucking hell.

So after crying myself to sleep last night (and taking 3 hours to do so), I'm still feeling really strange not using my laptop - noit taking it with me everywhere. I take it to work, my friend's place, university...everywhere. Gah. 7 days to go. It's been almost 4 and a half hours now and I'm already going nuts. A week without 24/7 internet access? I honestly don't know hoiw I'm going top cope. :S I've done that before, quite recently, too, and I didn't survive. Not only that, but I drove my entire family crazy, hehehehehehe.... *rocks back and forth* All I can do is hope that Toshi will be okay. because I honestly don't know what I'll do if he's not. I don't really mind, as long as the harddrive can be salvaged.

The only good thing to note about today is that my top-secret mission for a friend's Christmas present is now in its final stages. I just got the email from my host sister today that she's shipped the package for me from Kagoshima via EMS. Should get here in a week, tops. It's taken months of planning and hours of searching/emailing my host sister's uncle who works for Bandai in probably what was appaling Japanese because I haven't been there for so long, but I've done it! :D I hope the person likes it. I'm 99.9% sure they will. @_@

   

I have my animation assignment to do. Crap. I have to admit I'm more than a  little worried about how it's going to turn out, but hopefully with the various tutorials I've managed to find, I'll be okay. God, I hope that's true. This is the one subject I have to do really well in, so I can't afford to stuff this up. This assignment is worth 50% and just thinking about what could happen if I do badly makes me want to hyperventilate. *Deep breath* I really wish the animation studios weren't so fucking exclusive - I might actually feel better about my chances then, having only really picked up on 3D animation this year, and the rest of the people I know have been doing this kinda thing since they were like 10. I can't draw to save my life, so I really, really really hope that doesn't come back to bite me.

Maybe I'm just pissed off because Spotlight didn't have enough fur for my Arthur Zero costume, so now I have to go and buy the much more expensive (albeit much better quality) acrylic fur from Lincraft on Monday. That is, if I manage to stay consious that long. Code Geass marathon tonight! Woo! *Tries desperately to not think about the implications being up all night is going to have on her animation assignment that she's supposed to be starting tomorrow*

Anywho, guess I'll see how everything goes.

Okay. I really need to start remembering I have this - the perfect place to vent when I feel like crap, lol. University is driving me up the wall, and I feel as though I'm about to crash. I've lost all motivation, and as much as I love my course, I have to say that I'm completely had it with fucking assessment. I know I'm definitely not the only one - just about everyone I know wants this semester to end already.

In a wonderful distraction and anxiety-breaking move,  j_plash has gone and gotten me right into cosplay without even really trying, which I think says something about me as a person. Whether it's negative or positive, I can't really figure that out, but I haven't had a decent night's sleep all week, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the 3 assigments I have had due in the past ten days, either. *Sigh* I get a little obsessive...so what if can't sleep because I'm itching to make the body suit for my Arthur Zero costume, or because I can't think of a decent enough supplier for the foam I need to buy to carve the helmet out of.

People laugh when I tell them about these things, and joke that I have no life, and of course I laugh as well. But I'm certainly at my happiest when I'm by myself, working away on something I love, whether that be a Twilight Convention in Sydney for 2010, or an outfit based off a crack anime character that doesn't really exist. I'm a little self-obsessed, yes, and incredibly self indulgent with the money I'm willing to spend on these kinds of things to make them perfect, but if that's what I enjoy about life - if I honestly feel like I coudln't be happier right now - isn't that life in itself? Just because I'm not out in the Valley bar hopping every weekend, getting smashed and waking up in some friend of a freind's place doesn't mean I don't have a life.  Gah. I didn't mean to get all philisophical. I'm just like that when I'm tired...and drunk, lol. And I'm not drunk. :P People's criticisms just get you down sometimes, I guess, no matter how hard you try to laugh them off.

I should be going to bed and getting as much sleep as I can right now. With J and I doing an R2 Code Geass Marathon tomorrow, I'll need the sleep if I want to be functioning on the Monday so I can work on my Ninja WALL-E assignment in Maya (a long and very complicated design process is involved in that idea, so don't even ask, lol).

Hi everyone! I was talking with a friend the other day about her livejournal account when I suddenly remembered that I have one as well! I don't actually use it all that much, but I've made a promise to myself to try and use it more often. What I'll use it for, I don't really know yet, but I'll get I'll figure it out eventually! I've actually just finished voting today. Here's a hoping that John Howard won't get back in. That would seriously suck. Oh well, guess we'll find out tonight what's happening, huh?

Welcome to the opening of "The Evil Rabbit's Lair" everyone!

The designer (me - Crystal Remnant) is happy to present this; the live journal of Warui-Usagi. There are links to all her stories on the side bar to your right --->

And a link to her profile:

 

Happy readings!